Canker Relapse (or Fark the Police)

I've had two more visits from the Department of Agriculture.

The first was a poor guy up from Fort Lauderdale. I didn't even let him finish knocking.

"The tree is a lemon tree...northeast corner of the lot. Take it."



He wouldn't take it. What he wanted instead was directions to my property management company so he could find out what happened to the paperwork allowing the DOA to take the tree.

Those of you who have read my blog know the mistake I made. I submitted. I didn't kick and scream like I said I was going to. My plan was to cry out and chain myself to the tree so the agent felt more at home with what he was doing. The outrage would be familiar. A comfort.

Two days later, I got the paper you see at the top of this post. This is the same type of form I've already brought to my landlords twice. The same one they (allegedly) have turned in to the DOA.

It's enough to turn a guy into a Republican.

I could do something SIMPLE. I could sign the form myself and mail it in. Never mind that it isn't really my tree. Never mind that they have most likely lost similar forms already.

I could do something CLEVER like cut down the tree myself and claim ignorance whenever they show up again. "Citrus tree? I don't have no stinking citrus tree!"

Instead, let's do something PETTY! Below is the same form, which I have now farked. See if you can take the clean form above and do something better. Email your submission to rmccaffrey2@cfl.rr.com and I'll post the best ones later to this blog.

And I'll mail the winner into the DOA.

Let's see them lose that one.